Idiosyncratic Point of View

So I have this teeny-tiny idiosyncrasy. I drive with my side view mirrors adjusted to show as much of the world around me as possible (See the two bottom pics).    
 I don’t understand why people want to be able to look at the side of their car while they are driving (see the two top pics). 
I only mention this because I share a patrol car with several officers. I am of the firm belief that I am the only one that does this. I base this on the simple fact that I have to readjust the mirrors every time I enter the car. Not just a bump either. I think those little servos get more action than my transmission gears. 
I sincerely hope your quarter panels are not moving independently of your car. If so, please schedule an appointment with your favorite mechanic ASAP! 
One should know at all times where one’s rear fenders are, right? Why would one need to glance in one’s door mirrors only to observe a slab of car body that follows one around? Spoiler alert! They’re behind you! And you sure don’t need them taking up half of your mirrors!
As a driver, the majority of your attention should probably be ahead of you, with a sideways glance every so often, and a brief glance behind you about a fraction of that time. I am fully aware that the current trend is to drive staring down at your center console, or crotch for that matter and smiling. This is bad people, don’t do this! But that will be a whole other post of its own. I digress. 
If you need to see while backing, you can always turn around and look (face-palm, right?) or you can search for and locate (not while driving, please) a control device of some kind (see operator’s Manual if needed or Hell, just Google that shit), and adjust your nifty power remote mirrors. Most cars have them nowadays. Just a thought. I know, I also see a Nobel Prize in my future. 
So, I know what you may be thinking, (yes I had the NSA tap those cute little thoughts of yours too), “What about when I want to change lanes?” And I will respond- “Well Dave- (assuming your name is Dave and if not, just pretend dammit) guess what? By adjusting the angle of your side mirrors AWAY from you car, you can virtually eliminate blind spots!” In my own experience, I just lean forward slightly, maybe settle in to that Gangsta Lean for a second, and I have destroyed that blind spot like a honey badger destroys bee hives. 
 
Try this “life hack” and be amazed at what you have been missing by driving without actually seeing!
Start by leaning to the left (I call this the “Gangsta Lean”), rest your head on the window and adjust your driver-side mirror aaaaaallllll the way out until you just barely see the rear quarter panel. BOOM! That’s done!  
Now lean back to the right and adjust the passenger side mirror the same as before. You’ll want to lean over toward the passenger seat like you’re reaching for your phone that just slid into the floorboard, and slapped against the passenger side door, (oh do not even pretend that you have never done this shit while driving 85 in the center lane of a five lane interstate, eating a whopper with your left hand and steering with your left knee!) Because I never have at all. Like never. Not even this afternoon on the way home.
Now sit back against the plush, supple, yet firm unicorn hair and North Alaskan wild yeti hide (am I the only one that has custom seats?) to enjoy your hard work and relish the vast amount of scenery you just discovered behind and to the side of your vehicle. 
You’re welcome. Now shut up. 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s