I try really hard to refrain from “dating” my material. This is something that I like to practice in order to keep my content relevant. Writing about current events such as elections or questionable political agendas freezes that content in that era. Does this make sense?
For example, whenever I go back and read about the 1984 presidential election I absolutely know that I am reading something from 1984. Whereas I prefer to practice writing “evergreeen” material. This is stuff that you can read twenty years from now and hopefully it’s still funny.
With that all being said, I am about to break this practice and I promise to keep it brief. Not really, this is gonna take a while, folks. So get the popcorn and settle in.
What could possibly drive me to do this sort of thing? The ridiculousness of our current presidential campaign mess? Not yet. The ludicrous idea that we now have to rely on our already overbearing government to tell us, as a whole, which bathroom we should be using? Not that either. OOOOH! I KNOW! What about a good ol’ fashioned Hollywood scandal? Meh. Not really that juicy. Although I did hear that Tom Cruise HATES Jamaican-Eskimos! This is totally true! Maybe. Probably.
I am a news monger. I have always loved media. Real media. Not those TMZ News stories that I could watch or read about, then be thankful that I don’t have to personally deal with Kanye West (or any of the Kardashians for that matter.) I am drawn to news stories that make me realize that although our broken, in-efficient government is just that, we are still waaaaaaaay better than any third world country. I can be thankful for the fact that I can shit-talk our government without fear of being arrested for treason. I can use the internet freely without being censored. Our government may be broken, but it is still the best in the world.
Back away from the keyboards for a second and calm down. Before anyone messages me and says something about Sweden having free health care and $25/hr minimum wage, I want you to ask yourself this. “Do I personally know anyone who lives in Sweden?” And if the answer is “Yes” I want to know if that person is happy, absolutely loves their country and has zero desire to come to the US. Other than maybe to get tacos. I mean, who doesn’t want to come for the tacos and then stay for the freedom, right?
I can tell you that there is a reason people everywhere want to immigrate here to the US. Well other than the extremists who want to kill all Americans. Those “Death to America” guys just have issues. America is still free and still very liberal. Not the bad kind of liberal either. Not like communistic USSR or Cuba. Those former and current governments liked to nationalize shit and take what the wealthy had and instead of distributing it, they just kept most of it. I know where you’re about to go with this one too. Politicians are crooked and thieves. True. But most of the morons and “Youtube lawyers” who talk about what goes on up there on the Hill, truly have no idea what real shit-holes some countries actually are. As for the politicians themselves, they all need to be replaced with real people who actually have some idea of what is happening in the real world. Politics was never meant to be a career-long fundraiser, but I digress.
There is a difference in being told which bathroom you should use (still crazy that this is a thing) and being arrested and sentenced without a jury for treason because you post a Facebook comment about how inept your government is. This stuff really happens, just ask anyone in the Glorious Democratic Republic of the People’s Korea. Which, by the way, is neither of those things! It’s not glorious, not democratic and it damn sure isn’t a republic!
My point is that sometimes I hate this country. But when I really think about all of the places I could have been born, I am usually glad I ended up here in the States. And shit, if things really get bad enough, I guess I could always head for the hills and camp out in a cave, live off the land and enjoy the fresh air. I would just need to find somewhere to plug in my modem. Is there wifi in the Ozarks?
The Grass Is Dead! 